like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
