She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
