what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
