the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
