what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I showed him my bush... on skype.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need moral support for this bender
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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