Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pooping to opera.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
