Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
