4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize