I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
