He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
