I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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