Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
