dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
