Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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