Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
