Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
