I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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