Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
