Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
