he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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