Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
