The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
