how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
