You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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