he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
