did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
