that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You made out with two different species that night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
