did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
