What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
