I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
