I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
