$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
