I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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