My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
