??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
