The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
