Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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