may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
