ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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