Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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