You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize