i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
