i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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