I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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