just come out here and I will go home with you...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
