The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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