the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize