Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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