so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
