I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We don't watch enough power rangers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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