Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
