So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize