You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
