I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
