woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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