think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
