I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
