i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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