the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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