you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
