Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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