Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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