I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize