Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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