Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize