maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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