The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I party with great urgency now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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