I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was like eating out sand paper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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