he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
