Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I deserve this hangover.
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