Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
