If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
