Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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