I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
