For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
